Forgiveness

For those of you that know me, hearing that The Catholic Church and I are not on the best terms will be no surprise.

Recent events have given me reason to examine the ANGER that I still carry from those events which occurred on Church Property.

Has been 30 years, or more, for most of what I can recall and that ANGER has served me well for many years in protecting me, and not so well in other areas.

Now, THAT anger is something akin to more of an anchor than a lifeline.

Is funny how strange things can align and show you a NEW path. Is why I retained my strong belief in God. Has been too many instances where it was OBVIOUS I had an ANGEL on my shoulder.

Over the weekend, I came across the lyrics to an old Eagles song. The song itself was on a disk I recently got and it was sticking in my head. I thought the name of the song was 'Forgiveness' but is actually called - 'The Heart Of The Matter'.

Have NEVER thought I would be rid of my anger, The Church has never sought forgiveness, no penance has ever been paid. My life has been put into ruins over it as I continue to struggle with the realities I can remember and the things I fear to recall.

My anger has been like a crutch to lean on.

Something about the words in this song reached into me, had tears falling when I first read along with the music. The song was not written for me or my situation, but THE MESSAGE would certainly seem to apply.

I can't hold onto this anger forever, it no longer works to my benefit, if anything, it is keeping me from getting past the issues, as it holds me in place.

With all the other crapola going on, especially with the WTSP forum being a place where people can no longer exchange ideas, I am at a crossroads in my life.

What goes on at WTSP is beyond acceptable and when people can use the fact that I care about the forum, and use it against me - it is time to step back and rethink....

I can try to change what occurs at the WTSP forums, it may work, it may not.

But to change how I deal with MY anger is something I NOW have much more control.
For a LONG time I could not even SEE letting it go, couldn't even consider it.

All this time, I had thought it was something that stays with me, but I now see that I CHOOSE to keep it with me. That makes it something I can change and even eliminate myself of.

Is a time of great change, at many levels, for many people.

For me, it would seem that these lyrics have lit a path for me and I intend to take it and see where it leads me.

Anger has only led me in circles. I am tired and dizzy from it.

A NEW path sounds exciting as I am weary of the same old fights....

These are the words to the song 'Heart Of The Matter', it is my biggest hope that they will light a path for others as well.



The Eagles

'The Heart Of The Matter'



I got the call today, that I didn't wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone
She said you found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck,
And the struggles we went through
And how I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love's open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?


I am learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
And the more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if, you don't love me anymore


Oh, These times are so uncertain
There's a yearning undefined
...And people filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age
The trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness
They're the very things we kill, I guess
Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
And the work I put between us,
You know it doesn't keep me warm


I am learning to live without you now
But I miss you, Baby
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I figured out, I have to learn again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But everything changes
And my friends seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if, you don't love me anymore


There are people in your life who've come and gone
They let you down, you know they hurt your pride
You better put it all behind you baby, cause life goes on
You keep carryin' that anger, it'll eat you up inside


I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if, you don't love me


I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
Because the flesh will get weak
And the ashes will scatter
So I'm thinkin' about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if, you don't love me


Forgiveness (x6)


Even if, you don't love me anymore.
 
 
I WILL NEVER fully understand the WHY of my being abused, but the thing I have been missing was in THIS song.
 
Don't NEED their request for forgiveness to grant it, only need MY permission to let it go.
 
So I will....
 
Have a great day, please feel free to comment if you'd like.